Free · 6 min
Women, men, and everyone the forms forget
What is more common, what the law calls it, and which doors are actually open.
This is not a ranking of whose harm counts. In UK surveys and in specialist services, most people who have been raped or sexually assaulted are women and girls. Men and boys are harmed too, and they are more often silent about it. Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and non-binary people meet the violence and, often, a second problem: a service that was not built with them in mind.
None of that decides whether what happened to you was real. It changes the myths you are likely to hear, and sometimes the phone number that will pick up.
The legal name is narrower than the harm
In England and Wales, rape in the Sexual Offences Act 2003 is when someone intentionally penetrates another person’s vagina, anus, or mouth with their penis, without consent, and without a reasonable belief in consent. Northern Ireland’s sexual offences law is written the same way. In Scotland, rape is also penile penetration without consent. Other forced sex has other names: assault by penetration, sexual assault, or causing someone to engage in sexual activity. Those are still serious offences.
A woman cannot be the principal offender for the offence called rape, because that offence requires a penis. She can commit the other sexual offences, and she can be guilty of rape if she assists a man to commit it. If you were hurt by a woman, or penetrated with something other than a penis, the charge may not be called rape. That is a prosecutor’s word. It is not a verdict on whether you need a SARC, a counsellor, or the police.
Consent, in England and Wales, means agreeing by choice, with the freedom and capacity to choose. Sleep, fear, being too drunk or drugged, and pressure are not consent. Being married, having said yes before, or not fighting are not consent. This is general information, not legal advice about your case.
Women and girls
Women are more likely to experience this, and more likely to be disbelieved for reasons that have nothing to do with evidence: what you wore, what you drank, why you went there, why you stayed, why you did not scream. The person responsible is usually someone known, often a man, including a partner or ex-partner.
The Crime Survey for England and Wales, year ending March 2022, estimated that 3.3% of women and 1.2% of men had experienced sexual assault, including attempts, in the previous year. Those are survey estimates, not a test you have to pass, and they miss people who could not or would not say. Across a lifetime, rape is more sharply uneven still. The Office for National Statistics updates the figures; a percentage is a snapshot.
If pregnancy is possible, emergency contraception is time-sensitive. A SARC or a sexual health clinic can talk that through, including long after a forensic window has closed. Later smear tests, pain, and sex can all be harder. You can ask for a clinician who understands sexual violence without telling the whole story.
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline, 0808 2000 247, is for women in England, including where sexual violence is part of abuse at home. Many local Rape Crisis centres started as women-only services. Some still are. Some now support all genders. The 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line says it is for anyone aged 16 and over in England and Wales. If a local centre’s site is unclear, ask who they support before you travel.
Men and boys
It happens to men and to boys: in relationships, families, schools, sport, faith settings, and between people who were drinking. The person responsible might be a man or a woman. Jokes, shame, and the idea that men always want sex keep a lot of people quiet for years.
Becoming erect, or ejaculating, is not consent and is not proof that you wanted it. Lubrication and orgasm are not consent either. Bodies do this under fear, and freezing is common. None of it undoes what the other person did.
SurvivorsUK offers text and webchat for men and non-binary people aged 13 and over, across the UK. Safeline’s National Male Survivor Helpline, 0808 800 5005, is for men and boys in England and Wales. If a partner or family member is also abusing you, the Men’s Advice Line is 0808 801 0327 on weekdays from 10am to 5pm. It is a domestic abuse line, not a rape counselling service, and it is in the directory.
Lesbian, gay, bi, trans, and non-binary people
Sometimes the violence is aimed at someone’s sexuality or gender, not only at their body. A same-sex partner hurting you is still abuse, even if friends treat it as a fight or as something that does not count. Trans and non-binary people are often told to choose a men’s service or a women’s service before anyone asks what they need.
Galop, 0800 999 5428, is for LGBT+ people aged 18 and over who have experienced sexual violence, domestic abuse, or other abuse. SurvivorsUK includes non-binary people. Rape Crisis Scotland’s helpline is for all genders, aged 13 and over. You can ask a service to use your name and your pronouns.
You do not have to discuss your body except where you want care that depends on it — emergency contraception, an examination, or HIV prevention, for example. SARCs are NHS services for anyone after rape or sexual assault. If a website does not say who it is for, a short call is safer than arriving at a closed door.
What does not change
Whoever you are, you can use a SARC without calling the police, stop any exercise in this app, and refuse to tell the story. If you are in danger now, call 999. Helpline hours change. The directory is a starting point; the organisation’s own site is the check.